How to overcome an unhealthy attachment?
Do you constantly seek approval from others? Are you always worried about what they think of you? Do you find it hard to make decisions without input from others? If so, you may have an unhealthy attachment style. But don’t worry – there is help available. This blog post will explore the signs of unhealthy attachment and offer tips on how to overcome it.
Yesterday, I was thinking about the teachings of the Dali Lama. Specifically, he taught that all living beings share 2 primary life goals: 1. To be happy. 2. To avoid pain and suffering. He explains that most people have a problem with letting go of attachments, which is what keeps them from being happy.
We attach our emotions and daily lives to the thoughts and fears we create in our minds. Emotions can be powerful and treacherous. They are often all we want in this world, but they also have an unhealthy hold on us that is more difficult than at first glance. For example, attachments to others – I have not heard from my friend Michelle in 3 days, and she is not returning my messages. What did I do? Why is she not returning my calls and messages? Did I say or do something to piss her off? Now I add to the fear that she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. What am I going to do if I lose Michelle?
Another infamous attachment is the attachment to a specific outcome of events – I finished my 4th interview with my dream job at the company I have been trying to work at for the past 4 years. I cannot stop thinking about how this new job will change my life. I will now be able to afford to move into a better apartment. I will now be able to find a girlfriend and start a family. I have built up the importance of this new job to the point where if I don’t get it, I will have no reason to live. I will be miserable.
Attachments to the past. – I call it the Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve syndrome. If only I had gone to an Ivy League University instead of City College, my life would be different. Or, because my father left me when I was 8 years old, I am not a worthy person because if he loved me enough, he would have not left me.
These are just a few attachments. What can we do about it?
Here are a few tools to use and practice to begin your awakening and road to happiness by detaching yourself from unhealthy attachments:
1. Self Love. As long as we continue to believe that we need someone else’s love to make us happy, we will always be attached to others. When you truly love yourself, you are not worried if Michelle doesn’t like you anymore. Get comfortable and fall in love with the amazing human who looks back at you when you look in the mirror every morning and night.
2. Become pro-active instead of re-active. Noticed when thoughts of fear come up. Usually, we right away want to do something about it. We react without thinking it through. Of course, we regret and wish we could take back what we said or did. Take time, and think positively. When I don’t hear from a friend after reaching out. I don’t believe they are angry with me. However, I became worried that something may have happened to them. When you reach out with purity and love, they always respond.
3. Listen and speak from the heart. When you are authentic, your words and actions align with what is in the deepest parts of yourself. This alignment brings about peace for ourselves and those around us as we share our truth without fear or manipulation. Listen and speak from your heart. When you become true-blue, then all of the things that clutter up our lives will start disappearing like they’re never there at all (and who wants them, lol). The key here is listening within ourselves to find out what’s really going through our hearts. This is an act of self-love, self-respect and self-trust.
4 Let go of expectations. When we expect a specific outcome, we are disappointed when it doesn’t come to fruition. I planned my vacation to a beautiful beach in Costa Rica. I had plans for every day with all kinds of water activities, surfing, snorkeling, and boating. However, it rained every single day. Did I sit there and wallow in my sadness of not being able to do all the things I planned to do and allow the rain to ruin my vacation? No, I took the time to catch up on a great novel, spend more quality time with my family, and begin writing my novel. You see, it’s all in our mindset.
I have a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology Spirituality Mind Body designed a new self-awareness therapy called, I AM LOVE THERAPY. I also teach yoga, and meditation in Tulum, and host self-love & self-empowerment retreats in Tulum and the U.S. I offer 1:1 private sessions in person or online. Find out more about the services I offer on my website: www.iamloveretreats.com. And be sure to follow me on Instagram @iamlovetulum